Avoiding Manipulation Part 2: Developing Boundaries

In the previous Newsletter we discussed techniques students use to avoid the stress associated with facing the painful impact from stressful, negative consequences that are imposed as a result of their behaviour.  As pointed out the continual use of such behaviours can easily become addictive, that is they are the ‘go-to’ response in times of rejection or psychological pain.

There are many types of addictions described in the previous essay, substance, activities and people.  That is when we can’t endure the pain of the situation we will habitually access one of these types of protection from the stress.  The objective of this work is to focus on ‘people addiction’ as this describes the behaviours used to manipulate the stressor.  However, a brief account of ‘substance ‘addiction’ and ‘activities addiction’ will be given.

Substance addiction is probably the most commonly portrayed of these addictions.  This is when the individual alters their emotional state with the use of chemicals.  The popular media focuses on those illicit drugs such as heroin and cocaine but the more common legal substances such as alcohol and the multitude of other substances such as anti-depressants and food, either binge eating or anorexia are used to avoid the pain.  Dealing with these addictions is not the occupation of a teacher.

Activity addiction is another way of dismissing stressful situations.  This is when you take your mind off the presenting problem by focusing on an alternative behaviour.  By doing this you become too busy to deal with the current stressful situation.  This works in the short term but like all addictions it never prepares the person in a way that will allow them to address the same or similar situations in the future in a healthy manner.

Types of activities that are used by children to escape the stress are often the latest craze.  Things like computer games or collecting cards. Sport is another common distraction, either participation or supporting a particular team.  Adults will also access these activities perhaps becoming ‘mad’ football fans.  One addiction that is difficult to acknowledge is an addiction to work.  The workaholic is not easily identified as an addict, despite the descriptive name pointing that out!  In school the student that spends so much time doing their work will most likely be rewarded with complements and good grades.  The teaching workaholic will have the same outcome with being recognised as competent and likely being promoted. 

It must be remembered that these activities are the walls of protection and although they keep the stress out in the short term these behaviours eliminate the ability to get their nurturing needs met!

The addiction we will focus on in this Newsletter is the people addiction.  This deals with dysfunctional responses to the stressful interaction between individuals, specifically the teacher and the student!  The underpinning concept behind the model presented below is that, when students are stressed by the behaviour of the teacher they will attempt to manipulate that teacher to change their behaviour.  This is a case where, if the presenting environment clashes with the set of beliefs disrupting homeostatic equilibrium, instead of modifying beliefs the student attempts to change the environment! 

The model recognises three types of manipulative behaviours, overt and covert control and resistance.

Overt Control

This is a case of when the teacher stresses the student that child will behave in a way that is calculated to stress the teacher so much that they will stop stressing them.  They do this by either actively physically or emotionally attacking them.  These could be threats of aggression or in extreme cases actual violence.  Emotionally, they may attempt to denigrate the teacher by making fun of them or through threatening accusations about their behaviour.  The idea is, if you stress me I will stress you even more until you give up!

Covert Control

This is a more passive attempt to avoid being stressed in the first place.  These students will do almost anything to eliminate the need for the teachers to actually stress the student.  For the teacher, this approach is not threatening, they do what you want.  However, when they act this way solely to avoid being challenged they are using a type of ‘walled’ behaviour and walls may stop the stress but they deny the student getting their legitimate needs met.

Resistive Behaviour

These students really won’t engage in the classroom.  When they are challenged they withdraw.  While ever they resist the behaviours of the teacher or others they simply disengage.  These students like others use this behaviour as a protective wall and by so they deny themselves the opportunity to grow, getting their needs met!  They employ tactics like refusing to intellectually engage in class activities and physically becoming isolated in the room or playground.  They generally refuse to participate in the faulty belief that if they don’t they can’t be hurt!

Of course, unless we learn to deal with stress then these addictive behaviours to avoid stress continue throughout life.  Unfortunately, there are too many teachers who use these strategies to deal with the stress students impose on them.  The following diagram illustrates the ways these occur.

As can be seen, the methods of avoidance are so similar however, the impact on the students is more harmful because children are in the process of developing their belief systems and if you recall a recent Newsletter (Number 204 - The Importance of Personal Presentation - It's not what you do but how you do it – 13 June 2022), the students will adopt the behaviours presented by the teacher, reinforced because of the modelling and the qualities of mirror neurons.  A quick summary is as follows:

Overt control

These teachers are authoritarian bullies and because of their position they most often succeed in getting the students to cease being a threat to their authority.  By frightening the students the resulting anxiety detracts from the potential learning that could be available.

Covert Control

These teachers attempt to be ‘friends’ with the students, they are reluctant to challenge them in case they retaliate creating the feared stress in the teacher.  These teachers will put-up with low level, dysfunctional behaviours which makes the classroom unpredictable.  Perhaps more damaging is that they don’t teach the students responsibility.  They will accept substandard work, late submission and even pardon lack of completion.  The result is the children do not acquire that self-reliance and the relationship between effort and results.

Resistive

These teachers will not properly follow the instructions of the department and the school.  In secondary schools they will dismiss any whole school approach to welfare with comments such as ‘I teach science, I’m not a social worker’.  My pet observation was always in staff meetings, especially those held in the library, these teachers would sit up the back and grab a book to look at while school policies were discussed.  Of course their lack of commitment put their students at a distinct disadvantage!

So what to do, as stated in the last Newsletter the use of boundaries will help teachers and students learn to deal with stress rather than protect themselves.  We discussed what boundaries are but the following presents techniques that help you create them. 

The following are steps that will impose boundaries for you.  They may feel ‘artificial’ at first but eventually they will become automatic:

1. Stay calm - when you feel yourself becoming anxious stop and try to relax.  It is important you stay ‘in the moment’.
2. Ask yourself ‘what is really happening’ – too often what you see is a result of what is truly happening; it is not always the first thing you see.  You won’t always get this right but never jump to conclusions.
3. Then ask who is responsible:
   1. If it is me then I must change my behaviour – that is I must learn another way to behave
   2. If its not me, then it’s the student therefore I can’t ignore the problem.  I must work out what I want to have happen and learn to make the changes to get that result.
4. Take action -you must make an effort if you want to make a change.  Learning new behaviours is not easy you have to over-ride existing beliefs.
5. Evaluate – after a period of time assess whether or not the stressful problem still exists.  If so assess the effectiveness of your application of your solution, perhaps you were not vigilant enough.  But if you were thorough in your efforts then go through these steps again.

The approach above does require some cooperation from the students but when dealing with very dysfunctional students the following approach can be used.  This consists of a directive and the description of consequences both of compliance and defiance:

1. If you … (clearly describe the offending behaviour)
2. I will … (outline the consequences)

In some extreme cases the student’s behaviour is beyond the ability of a classroom teacher and a main stream school and in these cases the system should provide assistance!

Interactions in the classroom will always generate some clashes between the teachers’ beliefs and that developing of the student.  The use of addictive, walls of behaviours will reduce the resulting stress in the short term however, the same or similar threatening situations will re-emerge.  If you take the time to learn how to deal with these issues when they arise, you will have a behaviour that will deal with that problem, you eliminate the stress in future incidents.  However, don’t get too comfortable life continually throws-up different problems to face.  Using the process of boundaries will help you navigate your way through this changing but always interesting life!

Avoiding Manipulation - Part 1: Developing Boundaries

In the next series of Newsletters we will examine methods students use to try to avoid facing the consequences of their behaviour.  The descriptions of the various strategies they use are universal and understanding these will help you navigate through your day-to-day life.  As indicated in our previous work, behaviour is initiated when we are in disequilibrium, that is our sense of self is being threatened or the things we require are out of reach.  It is at these times we need to act in a way to change either our beliefs or the environment we face.  Beliefs are very difficult to modify and so the natural, first response is to change the environment.  In our work the focus is on managing the student’s behaviour and so we will concentrate on the tactics they may employ to get the teacher to change their behaviour, mostly to avoid a negative consequence.

This interaction between the teacher and student operates in the part of our cognitive system which deals with our social contacts.  Disagreements in these exchanges can produce levels of stress that are very uncomfortable.  In the past children have developed behaviours that will protect them from the painful feelings associated with experiences of pain or rejection.  For the children on whom we focus, those with severely disruptive behaviours, it must be remembered that these behaviours were established in their early childhood.

These children learned how to act in a way that protected them because in their social environment they offered some defence against the behaviour of their abusers.  Their actions were functional in a dysfunctional family, but are ineffective in a ‘normal’ environment. Because these tactics had worked it is understandable that they will use them when similar situations arise.  This continual return to behaviours that alleviate psychological pain is at the heart of addiction.

The illustration below demonstrations how this practice operates identifying the types of addiction people exhibit.

The use of the term addiction is in a limited sense.  In the literature that relates to addiction there are a range of defined types of behavioural addictions but for this work I have placed them in three categories, substance, activities and people, the latter being behaviours we habitually use to relieve the immediate stress from threatening personal interactions.  These behaviours are what ‘build the walls’ around the individual to keep the stress out.  These walls are impervious which ensures the stress can not get in.  The tragedy is that not only does it shield the individual from stressful threats, it also excludes the information that might help the individual deal with the distressing problem in a way that develops behaviours that would ensure the environmental conditions could be addressed in a productive manner.

The figure above illustrates this point.  Of course the addictive behaviours, the walls created by specific actions may keep the stress out they also imprison the individual who can not grow in the confronting environment.

This brings us to a discussion about boundaries, specifically in regard to these issues surrounding manipulation.  For detailed information about boundaries see:

• Newsletter 18 - Teaching Practical Boundaries 31 July 2017
• Newsletter 66 - Boundary Considerations 22 October 2018
• Newsletter 197 - Healthy Boundaries 27 April 2022

Our personal boundaries are the physical and psychological space between you and the outside world.  They define where you start in relation to others and how that relationship can cause stress; in fact any intrusion of your boundary will trigger an emotional response.  Boundaries are primarily there to protect the individual in the same manner as those walls discussed above but they are not there to limit pleasure.  For example, when you hold your child in your arms the emotions are so rewarding just as when your loved-one holds your hand.  These intrusions into our boundaries meet our needs.

The effect the contact has on you depends on your current set of beliefs and emotional memories about the nature of that contact and how it matches with your sense of self. 

In fact, boundaries are an expression of your sense of self.  This is why those children who have suffered abuse find it very difficult to let others in, for them violation is associated with physical or psychological pain, the walls have kept them alive.  It takes a great deal of courage to take down those walls!

Simply put boundaries are controlling what is OK and what is not OK for you! 

• When we let people get away with what’s not OK we resent them
• When we assume that people are doing the best they can – they are not being ‘OK’ deliberately, we don’t resent them
• You can never know if the other person is doing the best they can, but if you assume they are then it makes it easier for you to deal with them with compassion. It is generous to make this assumption and it will create a great change in the way you deal with these students.
• You become more authentic in your approach to others
• We are not comfortable setting boundaries, it is natural to want:
  • The students to like you
  • To not upset the students
  • To punish the students

The illustration below clarifies the concept of boundaries.

In this essay I have explained the concept of how the behaviours we adopt to protect ourselves in an abusive situation become the behaviour we believe will protect us.  Unless we learn new ways to deal with similar challenges in a healthy environment we will revert to these behaviours.  This is at the heart of addiction, just as that well-worn maxim points out ‘insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different result’! 

The development of boundaries, for these children is extremely difficult because it relies on understanding the processes of being nourished in a healthy environment and trust.  This is where the teacher can be their restorative chance.  If I could provide only one skill to those children it would be to have them develop healthy boundaries.

The Importance of Personal Presentation - It's not what you do but how you do it.

In a recent Newsletter we discussed the importance of the way you present yourself to the school community, particularly your class (See Newsletter 202 - Survival Tips for Casual Teachers – 30 May 2022).  In this essay we will expand on how you present yourself to your students as this is critical in controlling their emotional state.  It is often suggested that 93% of the emotional content of any communication is conveyed through non-verbal cues, these being facial expression, body language and tone of voice.  The percentage may be in dispute but it is true that the feelings you have towards a student will not be conveyed by the words you use but how you deliver them.

This is so important when you are correcting the behaviour of highly disruptive students who have a history of abuse and/or neglect.  Your use of these non-verbal cues will go a long way in deciding if you maintain a positive relationship whilst delivering unpleasant consequences.

This opinion goes beyond ‘common-sense’ it is underpinned by neurological knowledge.  We are social creatures and how we are accepted in our community determines our safety and security.  Our survival depends on how we can carefully convey to others what we want and also understand the intentions of others when they are dealing with us.  The rich array of neurons that exist in the brain to support the various functions includes a specialised set called mirror neurons. 

Essentially, mirror neurons are intimately involved in our movements. At the basic level mirror neurons fire when we generate a physical action.  They also fire the same neurons in ourselves when we watch an action taken by someone else.  This helps us to imitate that action thus providing the proof why the demonstration of desired behaviours to students is so important.  More than this they allow us to experience the associated emotions and predict the possible outcomes that will likely follow any observed behaviour.  They are responsible for myriad of other sophisticated human behaviour and thought processes.

At the University of Parma in 1996, a group of neuroscientists were busily mapping the neural pathways associated with hand movement in Macaque monkeys. The team of Rizzolatta, Gallese, and Fogassi uncovered what is potentially the most significant neurological component in human behaviour.   These researchers placed electrodes in the ventral premotor cortex of the macaque monkey to study neurons specialized for the control of hand and mouth actions. They recorded electrical signals from a group of neurons in the monkey's brain while the monkey was allowed to reach for pieces of food, so the researchers could measure their response to certain movements.

In a break in the experiment one of the research team reached out to pick-up a piece of food.  The research subject had remained connected to the recording device and to their amazement they found the same neurons fired as they did when the monkey picked up the food themselves. This explained the link between imitation and learning, not only skills but also importantly the emotional intention of others. (To provide more detail about mirror neurons in the Resource section of our webpage I have included a copy of a Chapter from my book - The Impact of Modern Neuroscience on Contemporary Teaching, 2017. Published by Xlibris and availably on Amazon).

Our focus has always been on those kids who, because of their history of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of their early childhood abuse and/or neglect are hyper-sensitive to the emotional signals given by adults in authority.  They really struggle to accurately interpret the message the teacher is sending particularly when they are about to receive a negative consequence.  Another feature of mirror neurons is that they not only fire when they perceive actions they infer a purpose on that action.  How they predict what will happen is significantly influenced by their assessment of the teacher’s emotional state and that message will come almost entirely from the non-verbal content of the communication.

There is much available regarding non-verbal messaging on the internet and the following is a brief summary focusing on the broad categories of tone of voice, body language and facial expression.

Tone of Voice

It’s true, especially for the dysfunctional kids, the way you say things has more impact than what you say.  The emotional content is interpreted long before the cognitive substance of that message.  And your emotional state will be communicated through your voice.  The tone you use must match the attributes of the message you are delivering.  If the message is about a serious issue then your voice should convey that sentiment, if it’s good news then your tone would be more up-lifting.  Of course, the tone must match your facial expressions.

Not everyone has good control over this feature of communication and the following tips may help:

• If you speak with a slightly lower volume level you will be seen as having more ‘authority’.  However, too soft and the students might not hear you.  If you have a voice that is too loud then you will come across as being abrasive.  Most importantly the class or individual must hear you!
• The pace of your communication is another way you can manipulate the message.  If you slow-down a fraction it projects a sense of confidence which will be conveyed to the children.  It also gives them the opportunity to absorb the message.  If it becomes too slow they will disengage and conversely if too quickly you will appear to be anxious and nervous.

It is not easy to change the way you speak but mastering the art of giving a message with the right emotional content is the hallmark of a great teacher.

Body Language

How you hold yourself projects an impression on those who observe you.  In general terms if you present an ‘open’ posture, that is stand up straight, feet firmly planted on the ground and chin up this projects to the students that you are friendly, open and confident.  They will be willing to trust you. 

However, if you present a ‘closed’ posture, slumped forward, hands in your pockets or just lazing in a chair at the front of the room you project an unfriendly even hostile persona which will make the students anxious. 

The use of your hands is an important indicator of your personality.  Sometime ago, as a new principal I was sent to a workshop on communication.  At this venue the presenter emphasised that we needed to coordinate our hand gestures with what we were talking about.  These days, when I watch TV shows like the Drum, where professional ‘talking heads’ give their opinions I cringe when some of them flap their hands about as if conducting the whole speech.  There needs to be some hand movement otherwise you will appear wooden but too much either makes you look anxious or you just distract your audience. 

If you touch you face or hair too much you really will look either nervous or disinterested in what you are saying.

Facial Expression

Facial expressions are really tied to emotions.  There has been plenty of research that confirms that our facial expressions communicate our emotional state and more importantly if you think about the qualities of our mirror neurons they also project to the audience the intensions of the behaviour those emotions will drive.

There is strong evidence of seven universal emotions that are conveyed through our facial appearances.  These are anger, contempt, disgust, fear, joy, sadness, and surprise. 

The eyes are often described as the mirrors of our soul but it is the mouth that provides the major clue about our emotional state.  The following are ways the mouth does this:

• Pursed Lips – the tightening of the mouth indicates a level of disapproval or disgust
• Lip Biting – this will convey a feeling of anxiety or stress
• Covering the Mouth – this is an attempt to hide your emotions from others.  This indicates a lack of trust both ways.  You don’t trust yourself to be authentic and the audience will not trust you because they will conclude you are not honest.
• Turned-Up or Turned-Down Lips – The direction the lips go has a direct correlation with your emotional state.  If they are up, you’re smiling then you are happy.  Down, frowning you are emotionally ‘down’.  It is very difficult to have a turned-up smile on your face when you are angry at a student; that smile will be so obviously false!

Eye contact is also important.  This varies on whether you are dealing with an individual student or the class.  Looking at others captures their attentions but like hand gestures there is a balance.

If you are dealing with a single student eye contact is a real challenge.  If you are discussing a behaviour issue, you may be delivering an unwanted consequence then eye contact should not be too intense.  A rough guide would be about 60% of the time.  BUT, if the student is really damaged, eye contact is really difficult for them and I’ve even found it better if I sit or stand beside them so I don’t set them off. 

When talking to the whole class your eyes should be constantly scanning the room.  However, if there are particular students whose attention you need then hold eye contact with them for about three to five seconds then move on.  If you really do need to get that student’s attention still move away but come back relatively quickly.

Throughout these Newsletters predominantly considering how teachers help those students whose behaviour disrupts their learning and that of others, we have emphasised the importance of the level of stress a student experiences.  This stress is a reaction to the emotional content of the environment they are experiencing at the time.  You are the teacher and providing the learning environment is your professional expertise.  This is why, to be an efficient educator you need to master the non-verbal skills outlined in this essay.

The Importance of Expectations for the Beginning Teacher

This Newsletter is one of a planned series designed to assist all teachers establish their expectations of their students whether this be at the start of a new semester or at the beginning of their careers.  Long-time followers of our articles understand that all our approaches to effectively teaching curriculum are underpinned by three core strategies:

1. Relationships – this more than any other task will determine the success or otherwise of a teacher’s success.
2. Structure – the presence of a predictable relationship between actions and consequences provides a psychological security for both teachers and students.
3. Expectations – in Lewis Carroll’s 1856 masterpiece ‘Alice in Wonderland’ the following exchange underlines the importance of knowing where you want to go.  

‘When she came to a fork in the road, Alice asked the Cheshire Cat which road to take.  The Cheshire Cat enquired, “That depends on where you are going”.  Alice replied “I don’t know”.  “Then it doesn’t matter which road you take”. Answered the Cheshire Cat’.

This essay will focus on setting out and fortifying the expectations a teacher wants in the standards they require for the behaviour that is acceptable in the classroom. This approach is equally valid for academic work but our focus is on dealing with disruptive behaviours.

At the very start of your time with any class you need to clearly articulate what are your expectations.  At the beginning of my career, nearly 50 years ago the advice was to come-in hard and squash any dissent and when you had the class scared of you then you could loosen-up!  Obviously that approach would not work today and in all reality it did not really work then; ruling by fear never works.  However, there is some good sense in that you need to be particularly persistent in the reinforcement of your expectations.  You do this by using verbal and non-verbal language to acknowledge appropriate behaviour and correct inappropriate behaviour.  When you are giving Instructions know where you want to go and give clear instructions on how to get there.

How to Establish Expectations

Initially, present a small number of rules to students.  These can be imposed by you or developed in class meetings.  Developing rules in a class meeting can also be effective (Newsletter 96. - Creating Structure - 6 April 2020 has a summary of how to do this in a formal way).  This is particularly important at the beginning of your time with a class or when you meet on an irregular basis where there may not have been time to develop a positive rapport with them.  When you establish a rule publish it where it can be seen.  Keep the rules short, simple and clear.  Examples of these general rules might be:

• Follow teacher’s instructions
• Keep hands and feet to yourself
• Be respectful of others and property
• Stay on task

Discuss the rules with the class and it is as important to refer to them when they are being followed as it is when they are being disregarded.

Once you have established your expectations you will need to reinforce them until they become habitual in your classroom.  You do this by either acknowledging when they are meeting your expectations and correcting them or when they are not.  There is a balance between the amount of each approach, too much acknowledgement, constantly telling they are doing the ‘right thing’ reduces the effectiveness of this process.  The same goes for correction, too much will cultivate a negative atmosphere in the classroom.  The following illustrate the importance of this balance.

Imbalance One

Unclear expectations

The teacher gives inadequate information about his or her expectations (as indicated by the broken line around the triangle). This is problematic because students will be unsure about the limits and boundaries of the classroom and what tasks they need to be doing.

Imbalance Two

Too Much acknowledgement

This is problematic because the students are not being corrected appropriately.  This is often the result of teachers trying to manage through friendliness.  They believe ‘if I am nice to the students they will like me and behave themselves’.  This can also occur because the teacher lacks assertiveness.

Imbalance Three 

Too much Correction

Students become resentful and continue to act inappropriately due to lack of acknowledgement and encouragement.  In this imbalance teachers may not intend to be negative but have developed the habit of attending to inappropriate behaviour.  In most cases where the whole class behaves inappropriately, this is evidence of the imbalance.

Giving Feedback to Maintain Balance

How you give instructions will determine your effectiveness as a teacher.  The following hints will help:

• Clear, short instructions help students understand what they are expected to do.
• Instructions help students organise what they are required to do
• Instructions cue students that they need to be actively engaged with the curriculum

It is an important skill to evaluate the level of attention the students are giving you before you give instructions.  To do this:

• Use a verbal and/or non-verbal attention gaining prompt to focus student attention towards you.
• Wait and scan; this gives students time to process the direction.
• When student attention is focused, start the instruction with a verb, keeping it short.
• Follow the instruction with a short pause and scan the class.

Why is parallel acknowledgement an effective management skill?

• It cues other students to match the behaviour that is being acknowledged
• It is an alternative to a redirection, so can help avoid nagging.
• It contributes to a positive tone in the classroom.

Patterns of Acknowledgement

• Body language encouraging – smiling nodding and moving near
  • Takes no time
  • Promotes positive tone and on-task behaviour
  • Strengthens relationships
• Descriptive encouraging – describing the appropriate behaviour you see
  • Reinforces the rules
  • Promotes positive supportive learning environment
• Use of Praise
  • Designed to reinforce appropriate behaviour through recognition
  • Potential for embarrassment of older recipients
  • Saying “good”, “terrific”, “well done” gives students very little information about their competence and has no training effect on other students in the class.

In the next Newsletter we will explore these concepts in more detail.

Survival Tips for Casual Teachers

In recent years Departments of Education have deliberately moved to ‘casualise’ their work force.  Despite this policy being one of the root causes of the current staffing crisis, casual teaching will remain a feature of our system.  This type of work is challenging particularly if you are employed on a day by day basis.  However, it is always a testing time on the first day you are appointed to any school.  You arrive with little ‘corporate knowledge’ of how the school operates, its structures and expectations and as a new arrival you will be tested by the students to see if you can handle them.  The following advice may help casuals survive the introduction into what I consider the best job in the world.

Arrival – First Day

This is when you will make your first impression on the principal, the staff and most importantly the students.  As you may only be there for a day you don’t have the luxury of building a meaningful relationship so, especially in the classroom you must get off to a good start.  The kids, like everyone will formulate an opinion of you in the first 20 seconds of your arrival.  This is what is known as the primacy effect which will influence every subsequent interaction.   The following points will help:

• Be punctual – I understand that sometimes you will be called in at the last moment and you must deal with this.  However, when possible arrive early; this will impress the person in charge of employing the casuals and give you time to familiarise yourself with the surroundings.

•  Acquaint yourself with the school management structure:
  • Have the staff member that is your immediate supervisor identified and introduce yourself to them
  • Be briefed on the behaviour management policy of the school
  • Be informed about procedural matters such as evacuations
  • Receive your teaching allocation for the day so you can quickly familiarise yourself with the assigned curriculum – in most cases you should be provided with the lessons you are expected to teach.  However, in some cases this will not be provided and so you will need to have a set of interesting, educational lessons you can give to engage the class.
  • You may need to get work-sheets organised and the photocopying procedures will be different in each school.
  • Roll-marking procedures, you will probably be given a roll-call class.  Most schools have on-line marking but in some cases the old hand roll marking might still be used and so you will need to know where to collect them, how to mark them and where they are sent for collating. 
  • You will most likely be given a playground duty so find out when and where you are assigned
  • Get a plan of the layout of the school and the location of the staffroom with which you will be assigned.

• Dress Professionally – as mentioned above you only get one chance to make a first impression and the way you are dressed will go a long way towards establishing that impression.  Most educational departments have a dress code which is supported by the teaching unions.  They understand that the way you dress influences the way students and the school community will respect you.

The style may vary depending on the circumstances of any particular school and also the climate in which the school is situated.  In general, for a classroom teacher a normally smart business level of clean and tidy presentable attire will be sufficient.  Remember, this is a school and modesty is paramount.

• Bring Your Own ‘Supplies’ – you should not be expected to provide the equipment to deliver any lesson but you may not have easy access to things like marker pens, some schools have IPADs for roll-marking and you may need to use a smart phone.  You should bring any resources you will need for times you have to improvise because you have not been left prepared lessons.

Also make sure you bring your own coffee mug, coffee and food.  Most schools have a canteen but some smaller ones don’t so you will need to sustain yourself. 

Also most staffrooms will have spare coffee cups and will share coffee but I think every teacher has been in a staffroom where, if you pick up the wrong cup there will be a ‘problem’, likewise you’ll be taking a risk if you help yourself to any coffee or tea supply!  Better to look after yourself.

The Classroom

Being a first time casual you will not have the luxury of knowing the dynamics of the classroom and the things you would have normally in place will not be there.  Things like seating plans, students with extra needs or the time periods for work to be completed.  These are things you have to ‘wing’ in the first instance.  What you can anticipate is that you will be ‘tested’ by the students.

As with the whole school, the first impression you make is critical.  I assume you have dressed professionally and this impression can be enhanced by being first to the classroom.  One of my mentors (not that he knew he was – I just watched him because he was so good) was always the first to the classroom.  The message is that you want to be there with the kids.  I know in some schools students line-up before they enter but I would suggest you let them in as they come.  This gives you the chance to greet them personally as they arrive.  Introduce yourself, ask them their name and smile!

Get straight into business, whatever the lesson is you have to deliver start by giving the students clear, direct instructions.  In the early stages don’t give a choice, say what you want and move to the next instruction; if you pause too long they have a chance to get off-task.  However, I do understand that you probably have to go back to the initial instruction but they will be aware that you mean business as far as the learning goes.

We have always advocated a pro-active approach to behaviour management and the following tips will help you take charge before you have to recapture the class:

• Move about the class
• Model the behaviour you expect
• Explain tasks
• Always be polite and friendly
• Be accepting of all students
• Interested
• Be firm but friendly
• Speak in a calm even tone
• Refer to class rules and consequences if these are known

However, you will be challenged and will need to provide some discipline.  When this is called for you will be delivering a message with some emotional content for the targeted students.  Remember it is estimated that 93% of the emotional content is conveyed through non-verbal means, body language, facial expression and the tone of your voice.  The most effective discipline is delivered this way.  To do this you must:

• Continue to act as if their behaviour has no effect on you
• Maintain a steady, positive gaze           
• Speak clearly
• Maintain appropriate eye contact – be careful you don’t turn eye-contact into glaring at the students
• Stand up straight
• Address the behaviour without threatening the individual – we always accept the child and reject the behaviour
• Never apologise for not getting emotionally involved
• Remain silent after you deliver your message
• Allow them time to digest the message
• Give them time to make a decision.

The following diagram explains the gradient on which each strategy should be used from the subtle least invasive at the bottom to the most invasive which should rarely be used at the top:

As a new casual you will not have had the time to set-up in-class time out consequences and so when the inevitable time arrives when a student or a group of students have gone too far they will need to be removed from the class.  This requires some advanced planning.  As mentioned above, whenever possible you should have met your immediate supervisor and at this time you should ask about the discipline policy but more importantly how you can remove very disruptive students.

More often than not you will be asked to send a note with them or a ‘trusted’ classmate explaining what has occurred so have the means to do this.  Some casuals are reluctant to do this because they fear they will be harshly judged and will not be invited back.  However, this approach indicates a level of professionalism which should impress the permanent staff.

Finally, stay positive, remember that:

• Challenging behaviour is just that – challenging
• Remind yourself you are a professional adult often dealing with needy children
• Dealing with the problems one child presents skills you for future behaviour issues, this increases your ‘expertise’

If you treat these opportunities to do casual work as an opportunity to develop your teaching skills and you become identified as a reliable and effective teacher you will not remain a casual for long.

Message to Subscribers

Last week we produced our 200^th Newsletter (over 200,000 words) which covers an extensive range of topics focused on helping teachers deal with dysfunctional behaviour.

Throughout the series we have concentrated on minimising the negative consequences of disruptive behaviours on:

• The offending student’s learning
• The learning of their classmates
• The teaching effectiveness of the teacher
• The mental health of all the above

The techniques have come from over years of dealing with such students and searching for the best approaches both in special settings and mainstream schools. 

Marcia spent 20 years working in schools attached to juvenile detention centres, at Reiby as Assistant Principal for ten years and a further ten at Juniperina Juvenile Justice Centre as Principal.  From there she finished her formal career as Principal of Caringbah Primary School. 

John was the foundation teacher at Smith Street Unit for Emotionally Disturbed students and after two years was promoted to become the foundation Principal at Campbell House Special School for Conduct and/or Oppositional Defiant students.  He served this school for ten years seeing the school grow from catering for 24 students to 84 at the end of his time there.  From Campbell House he moved to Holsworthy High as Principal where he remained for 17 years until retirement.

The formation of Frew Consultancy Group was motivated by our desire to continue to help teachers deal with students with severe behaviours.  The main work has been to produce the free Newsletters for anyone who wants them.  On top of this we have conducted numerous workshops for schools both in Australia and overseas and groups on behaviour management, consulted with schools in their preparation of discipline/welfare policies and mentored individual teachers. We have also presented at conferences as key note speakers and facilitated workshops.  John has written three books that extend the information in the Newsletters.  These are:

• The Impact of Modern Neuroscience on Contemporary Teaching
• Insights into the Modern Classroom

Published by Xlibris

• Neuroscience and Teaching Very Difficult Kids

Published by Austin Macauley

These are available from on-line stores or from our Group.

We take this week to pause and reflect on that time and ask for your feedback and suggestions on the way forward.  If you have any comments, criticisms or suggestions we would love to hear from you.

Thanks for your on-going support.

Marcia and John

The following is the list of previous Newsletters:

Toxic Shame Revision

One of the first Newsletters I wrote for this blog was about toxic shame (see Newsletter 14 Toxic Shame – 3 July 2017).  This is because the effect it has on the formation of our sense of self will influence the behaviour choices of children who suffer early childhood abuse and neglect.  We have addressed the more quantifiable damage can occur when being raised in such a cruel and negligent environment, not the least of which is the permanent brain damage described in our previous Newsletter.  Not to discard how much these injuries directly effects the day-to-day decision making but the emotional quality of shame permeates every decision these children make.

It is worth revisiting how a person’s sense of self, their belief structure is formed by examining the diagram below:

It is obvious that our sense of self, our beliefs are a result of our experience when these were being formed, they are just the memories of events of that time.  The key for the formation of self is always about survival.  The need to connect with others is critical and so any rejection by our community is a threat.  The fact that shame is often defined as a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation is a message that what we have done threatens our membership of the group.  So, even though shame is a negative emotion, its origins play a part in our survival as a species.

Because we all make mistakes there are times when our behaviour is spurned.  This is the experience of shame.  It is because we are doing something that does not contribute to the wellbeing of others, what we have done is not acceptable!  This emotional feedback is healthy; hence the term healthy shame and that feedback protects us from behaviours that repel others.  It should also remind us that we are not perfect and should not be so quick to judge others.  There is an axiom I like ‘If we never experience shame we are either divine or totally corrupt’.

The key difference between healthy and toxic shame is in the former, the individual feels embarrassed because they made a mistake.  In the case of toxic shame the kids don’t recognise that they have made a mistake they believe they are the cause of that mistake.  This faulty belief underpins their sense of self and they bring that sense to every situation they encounter including their schoolwork.  

As with all the development of our sense of self, it occurs in childhood.  Toxic shame is put onto these children by others, usually significant others.  They are constantly told they are stupid, useless, are ignored or punished and of course, those who suffer abuse and neglect inevitably develop a sense of toxic shame.

To summarise, these kids experience:

• Feelings that are not based on reality, they think they are mistakes instead of recognizing they have made a mistake.
• False messages that create this false sense of self.  They are blamed for things that were out of their control.
• A reality that is based on another’s opinion, children have to learn how to form an opinion and until they do they believe the outlook of the adults.
• A chronic, permanent state of rejection from their peers.
• An exaggeration of their faults, they are quick to take the blame when things go wrong.

The result is these children bring to any situation, as outlined in the first diagram, a sense of self, a set of beliefs that will inevitably:

• Discount their positives - They don’t listen to compliments, they only hear criticisms

• Magnify their flaws - They look for confirmation about their faulty beliefs because maybe that’s all they have heard
• Judge themselves against perfection - If they make a mistake they are a mistake
• Translate criticism for what they do into what they are - When they do something wrong it’s because they are wrong
• They read shame into other’s minds - they know that you know they are bad

The result of these faulty beliefs leads to their conviction that:

• To be good they must be perfect
• They don’t deserve anything
• They should never let anyone get to know them, they want to keep their ‘faults’ a secret
• You shouldn’t have feelings
• Don’t grow, it’s safe where you are

Their emotional interpretation of their worth is also affected.  They feel:

• A fake
• Contemptible
• Inadequate
• Inferior
• Flawed
• Dirty
• Damaged

Finally their overwhelmingly, destructive self-talk is something like:

• ‘You don’t count’
• ‘You don’t deserve to do what you want to do.
• ‘What you want isn’t important.  What others want is more important.’
• ‘Don’t make trouble.  Don’t rock the boat.’
• ‘It doesn’t really matter.  It’s not important anyway.’
•  ‘You can’t have what you want, so just go along.’
•  ‘Just do what’s expected of you.’
•  ‘Who do you think you are?’
•  ‘You should’…...’You shouldn’t’……..

There are countless ways these children discount their own worth.

With all the damages described above it is no wonder children with toxic shame develop the following personality types:

• Guilt Spreaders
  • The shame equation is that one mistake confirms that I am bad
  • I made a mistake therefore I am one.  One small act condemns me to be totally wrong
• Overly Responsible
  • I am responsible if anything goes wrong. It’s my fault.
• Obsessive Moralisers
  • I must always ‘measure up’.  Things are either good or bad.  These students feel immoral if they just have a good time.
• Compulsive Comparers
  • These students feel they can never compare to successful people
  • When they see others succeed they feel they have failed
• Approval Addicts
  • I can only feel like I’m improving if others approve of my actions
• Never Deserving
  • I cannot enjoy the gifts of life because I did not earn them

Toxic shame is an insidious emotion that influences all aspects of an abused child’s approach to life.  It will strongly influence whether they choose to actively participate in their community and nourish their sense of success or give up because they expect to fail.  In every case they can’t accept that they are entitled to survive and thrive in the world.  This faulty belief is what all effective teachers challenge everyday in their classrooms through, powerful, positive relationships, structured authentic consequences and well-defined expectation.  The use of this approach will eventually allow these children to understand that behaviour has authentic consequences regardless of who they think they are!

Toxic Stress and Trauma

In the previous Newsletter (Stress – 2 May 2022) we discussed the effect stress has on students.  In this essay we concentrated on the emotional arousal that occurs in our day to day interaction with our environment in our efforts to survive.  In most cases this process of constant, homeostatic adjustment back to equilibrium is healthy.  However, researchers studying stress in children have proposed three separate responses to stress that have different outcomes, positive, tolerable and toxic.  The process described in the last Newsletter describes the characteristics of positive stress which operates to maintain the body in a healthy state.

However, too many children are exposed to threats that result in levels of stress that challenge their ability to ‘survive’.  These are the times when they become so frightened the effect on their physical organisation is to prepare them for a fight/flight response.  This 'readiness’ is achieved by the elevation of their heart rate, the secretion of hormones including adrenaline and noradrenaline along with other reactions such as the dilation of the pupils in their eyes.  One of the release hormones is cortisol which operates to assist in the restoration of the brain’s neurological status after the stress has been removed; this is the return to equilibrium.  Paradoxically, if the stressful situation is not resolved the continual secretion of cortisol has an erosive impact on the brain as we will discuss later.

Tolerable stress refers to levels of elevated stress that trigger an intense response but these are either resolved with the support of a parent or carer or they are only present for a short time.  Toxic stress is experienced if the conditions that activated are not quickly resolved and the intense stress continue for long periods of time, weeks, months or even years. 

The experience of these toxic conditions at an age when children are just learning how to behave in their environment is untimely as they have yet to develop any personal defence strategies and must rely on the support of their parents, or adult carers to assist in their return to equilibrium.  As will be shown this support is not always available.

The results of this intense or chronic stress is the over development of those regions of the brain that are involved in the fight/flight - fear response.  The constant firing of the neural pathways associated with fear are strengthened while the potential, positive alternate pathways are pruned, that is, the neural material is removed making the fear response more efficient.  This results in an exaggerated ability to detect any possible threat, they become hyper-vigilant in any social environment. 

The flip-side of this predisposition is the reduction in the child’s neural pathways that recognise more nurturing characteristics, they become inept at recognising kindness and compassion.  Unless aware of this incapacity teachers can become discouraged when their attempts to cultivate a positive relationship seem to be snubbed.  This is not the child’s rejection of their efforts it is their inability to recognise and respond appropriately.

In physiological terms the stress response follows the pattern illustrated below.  The stimulus enters through the cerebellum where it is identified as an immediate threat.  From there it goes to the thalamus, instantly on to the amygdala which initiates the fear response.  This continual stimulation means the amygdala becomes enlarged which in turn makes it acutely aware of potential threat.  At these times the information does not get to the hippocampus and on to the frontal lobes blocking the information from the conscious mind.  Because of this any thoughtful response is not available, it is almost impossible to ‘will away’ heightened emotions once they are present.

Continued exposure of children to these conditions of elevated stress leads to early childhood Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  This is because their very foundations of expected survival are challenged.  

Traumatised people portray ‘snapshots’ of their unsuccessful attempts to defend themselves in the face of threat.  This inability to return to a state of calm means they are unable to discharge the energies associate with the preparation to defend themselves.  They remain in a state of readiness, fixated in an aroused state with the accompanying cortisol.

Although PTSD in children is usually associated with abuse it is worth noting that even if they live in a positive environment they can also become traumatised.  Generally they function with the expectation that they will comfortably survive and this gives them the confidence to plan and act.  However, there can be times when these expectations are shattered through the experience of:

• Unexpected life-threatening events such as car accidents, earthquakes, severe illness, the death of a loved one, anything that threatens their stable view of the world. 
• They come face to face with human vulnerability, they witness the injury to another person that demonstrates the fragility of life and in an instant the world changes through events that are out of their control.
• They come face to face with the capacity for others to preform what can only be called evil in the world. 

One can only imagine the huge number of cases of early childhood PTSD that is currently being produced in Ukraine. 

The result of continuous, early childhood PTSD is a permanent change to the brain’s structure which results in an intellectual disability.  The following changes have been observed:

• Amygdala is increased in size – this makes the child more attuned to potential threats and an exaggerated response to any actual threat.
• Hippocampus reported to have a 12% reduction in size – this decreases the ability to create memories and to liaise with the frontal lobes where cognitive decisions can be made.
• Prefrontal lobes are 20% smaller and have lesions on the surface.  This is damage to what is called the executive of the brain and the level of damage here leads to major cognitive dysfunction.
• Cerebellum is reduced in size – this is the ‘relay station’ between the external environment and our expectations.  A decreased efficiency in this process should mean a reduction in the accuracy of this process.
• Reduced efficacy of the corpus callosum. This reduces the coordinated response from both hemispheres.

The illustration below is of an extremely neglected and damaged three year-old-child.

The overall reduction in size is distressing and the damaged areas, the darkened parts throughout the cross section represent lesions and scar tissues.

Early childhood PTSD is predominantly the result of childhood abuse and the heart-breaking fact is that in most cases the perpetrators are primary care-givers.  What makes this upsetting is that these cognitive injuries are permanent.  This means a child born with a neurotypical brain is subjected to behaviours that produce these injuries as a consequence of an adult’s cruel behaviour.  This appalling situation is exacerbated by the fact that children being wholly egocentric think it is their fault they are treated this way.  They develop what I describe as toxic shame which I will address in the next Newsletter.

It is so hard for so many of the dysfunctional students that are the focus of our work.  They have been abused with resulting permanent brain damage through no fault of their own.  Their efforts to survive have seen them develop behaviours that some adults find repulsive.  This plus their ingrained sense of worthlessness, their toxic shame has left them with no expectation to succeed or be accepted into normal society and so they act to fulfil their destiny.

In our competitive society welded to the hypocrisy of meritocracy these children are blamed for their failures when in reality we should be blamed for letting this happen!  The best they can hope for is to be in the classroom of a teacher who understands this and will hang-in with them longer that they expect!   

Stress

In the previous four Newsletters we have discussed boundaries in detail with the fundamental appreciation that it is the interface between our ‘self’ and the external world.  This may appear to be a relatively straight forward concept but a closer look reveals the need to define what consists of our ‘self’ and that requires a more complex analysis. 

At the fundamental level our boundaries indicate the interface between our internal and external world.  For my work our external world consists of all things beyond our brain’s receptors.  In a relatively simple way it defines the physical and social environment in which we find ourselves, the availability of resources and social interactions.  It is a bit more entangled when we consider that part of the environment is our body.  The central nervous system really is an extension of the brain but for my purposes I am interested in incoming information about things like our oxygen levels, our temperature etc. that will initiate behaviour and so I include those messages from our body.

Our physical self includes things like the maintenance of blood pressure, sugar levels, the rate of our heart-beat, etc.  The maintenance of these biological factors are reflexive, laid down because of our genetic scaffold, they make us human.  However, the social and intellectual features of our ‘self’ which give us that sense of who we are, are learned and the motivation of that learning is to support our survival in the presenting environment.   

From the time we are born we build up a complex web of memories that, in the first instance allow us to survive in the particular set of conditions in which we find ourselves.   Through the process of trial, error and correction we build a set of memories which allow us to anticipate what will happen when we act in a particular way in response to a particular set of environmental conditions that threaten our ‘survival’.  The goal for behaviour and learning is always to act to return to a state of homeostatic equilibrium; that is when all our needs are satisfied. Stress is the messenger that informs our homeostatic status – in equilibrium, no stress; in disequilibrium, stress!

The level of stress experienced occurs along a continuum of an autonomic arousal ranging from coma, unconsciousness to full-blown panic attack.  It is an electro/chemical response that prepares the body to act to regain a state of equilibrium whether that be a defence against perceived threat or a motivation to acquire something to sustain our survival.  It must be remembered that although the brain sustains us its only activity is to initiate movement be that the movement of a limb or instigating an electro-chemical signal that produces changes in the composition of our biological mix.  In cases of extreme threat an immediate ‘flight/fight response will occur to get the body into a state of readiness through the stimulation of our sympathetic nervous system.  This stimulates the adrenal glands releasing catecholamines particularly the adrenaline and noradrenaline.  This results in an increase in our heart-rate, blood pressure, breathing rate etc. 

As all environments constantly change we are continuously adjusting to new conditions in order to maintain equilibrium.  It becomes obvious that we do need an amount of stress to thrive and this applies to the classroom. 

The presence of stress does great things for your learning and memory.  At the fundamental level stress:

• • Increases heart rate
  • Loosens up blood vessels in critical parts of the brain
  • Delivers more oxygen and glucose to the brain
  • Your brain starts working better
  • Neurons become more excitable in the hippocampus

These and other reactions support the learning of new memories.  Teachers need to produce a level of stress that is not directly focused on the maintenance of immediate survival but enough to initiate a level of curiosity in the students about things they don’t understand.

There is an ideal level of stress that produces optimal learning.  The illustration below describes an inverted ‘U’ curve was first recognised by sports scientists who searched for the conditions of optimal athletic performance.  As can be seen, the horizontal axis indicates the level of arousal while the vertical axis describes the level of performance.  If the individual is under-stressed then the performance level is less than desirable however there is an optimum level where the performance is at its maximum.  Regrettably, if the level of stress continues to increase past that optimal level then the elevated anxiety will impair the performance. 

Unfortunately, this graph is highly individualised, that is it characterises one child.  Every child will have a different relationship to stress, some students are anxious and may quickly become over-aroused while others need to be stirred from their comfort zone!  The teacher needs to establish each child’s level of resilience and take a personalised approach to their motivation.

This ‘optimal’ level can be considered as positive stress, the conditions that support the formation of short-term memories and consequently our long-term memories which become the representation of our ‘self’.

This optimum or positive stress has the following benefits:

• Increases the efficiency of our immune system
• Increases our ability to form memories
• Enhances the quality of our decision making
• Improves our ability to concentrate
• Enriches our level of emotional intelligence

These are all conditions we want our students to have when they are in our classrooms.

In our training we have always emphasised the importance of engagement and that is really encouraging the student to become stressed enough to take advantage of the conditions that come with positive stress.  The problem is, as stated above all our students come with a different emotional temperament and an approach that motivates a highly resilient student might frighten a student who suffers from anxiety.  This is the expertise professional teachers possess and this is not appreciated by those outside the system.

However, stress in the right amount is critical for a healthy and rewarding life, too much stress can have a devastating impact on individuals especially if it occurs in early childhood and that will be the subject of our next Newsletter.

Healthy Boundaries

In the three previous Newsletters we examined the relational difficulties that occur when our boundaries are violated or we do not possess effective, healthy boundaries.  As we develop through childhood we established the boundaries that are the physical and psychological space between you and the outside world.  They define where you start in relation to all others and how that any intrusion across our boundaries triggers an emotional response.  It is wise to remember that any time your physical and/or psychological boundaries are entered you will have a stress response.  The effect the contact has on you depends on your current set of beliefs and emotional memories about the nature of that contact and how it matches with your sense of self. 

As explained previously (see Newsletter 194. - ‘Boundaries - The Point of Contact’ - March 21 2022) the importance of a healthy boundary is relative to the closeness of the relationship.

In the diagram above there is a decreasing intensity of the effect a boundary violation has on the individual.  It is easy to see that the relationship between yourself and an intimate other will generate much more stress than between you and a stranger.  This is not always a negative experience, when you share cherished moments with a loved one this ‘stressful’ experience is pleasing.  Because of the potential tension relationships at this level can generate, the benefit of honesty is crucial in maintaining trust. 

Simply put, boundaries are controlling what is OK and what is not OK for you in any given situation.  When we let people get away with what’s not OK it is natural to resent them.  However, this assumes the other understands what you require when in fact they might be doing the best they can, this is the mature nature of having healthy boundaries.  If we assume they are doing their best it allows you to stay in the relationship but you must act to ensure it becomes on your terms.  In broad terms you have to:

• Provide an explanation – you need to convey the situation as you see it, how you want it to be and be specific.
• Acknowledge your Feelings – own your feelings and take responsibility for them but let them know that you have them.
• Articulate your Needs – say what you want.  Be selective, realistic and be prepared to negotiate in the knowledge that both parties have equal rights in a relationship.
• Recognise Potential Consequences – Outline how things will be if there are changes or if they stay as they are.

A practical script to help you in this type of negotiation is to say the following:

•  “When you …” – describe exactly what is upsetting you
• “I feel …” – let them know that this is having an emotional impact on you
• “Because …” – tell them why you are upset

This approach lets you communicate all aspects of how, what and why the situation impacts on you.  When they are aware of this they can choose whether or not they wish to remain in a relationship with you but it will be on your terms. There is no guarantee that this will work but if not then you should re-evaluate the value you have in the relationship.

 Sometimes you may find yourself in a situation where this approach is ineffective or with strangers when stronger techniques are required.  In these cases use:

• “If you …” – clearly identify what it is they are doing
• “I will …” – explain what you will do in response to such action.  This is where you let them know what the consequences may be remembering never make a threat you can’t carry out!

Having healthy boundaries is really taking responsibility for your life.  However, this is a continuous task as while ever you are in the company of others your boundaries will necessarily over-lap.  As mentioned, when this happens your will feel a change in your emotions and if this signifies you are under threat you need to identify what is happening and what you need to do to protect yourself.  The following steps will help:

• Stay Calm – you will have feelings but don’t let those feelings control your behaviour
• Ask yourself, what is Really Happening – sometimes, especially with dysfunctional students the driving force behind the behaviour is not clear and in most cases their anger will not be directed at you
• Who is Responsible?
  • Me         -           You must take action to address problem
  • Not Me      -       You can’t ignore the situation but must take action to get the result you want in the future

• Review the outcomes, after you have taken these steps and things have changed for the better then the action has been a success.   If not you should revisit the steps and try another approach.  If the situation cannot be resolved then you should end that relationship!

At this stage of establishing healthy boundaries you will be in a period of negotiation with others.  At this time you need to:

• Establish Expectations: - What are the areas of agreement and real differences
• Check your Intentions: - Is what you want fair for all, be aware of others’ feelings
• Consider Your Options: - Investigate the full range of options considering short and long-term consequences
• Suggested Options: - After discussion put forward your proposal
• Evaluate: - After trial evaluate and revisit procedure if needed and be persistent in putting your view

The illustration below summarises practical boundaries which in reality defines a functional adult who:

• Accepts responsibility for their actions
• Protects themselves from abuse
• Gets their needs met in a just manner

Boundaries for Teachers

The discussion above is really based on relationships between individuals with equal status, this is not the case with teachers and students.  This equity is not to be confused with equal importance, everyone deserves to be treated equally but children are ‘works in progress’ and they are developing their boundaries.  It is the teacher’s role to demonstrate effective boundaries and provide opportunities for students to develop their own.

You have to remember that you are the teacher and there is a real power imbalance. You:

• Have a position of power in the classroom, you have the authority to make decisions
• Are an adult with a tertiary education and the status that goes with this

This is the time for authenticity, it is not a time to ignore those things for which we are responsible or to disregard the moral and aesthetic irritations that come with dealing with the truth because we find doing this uncomfortable. It is a time to model responsibility no matter how difficult that may be because that’s how the students will learn.

As the leader in the classroom you need to establish the quality of its environment, that is you need to establish what are the professional needs within the setting considering:

• The teaching requirements; you need to present the assigned curriculum at the appropriate level for all students
• Ensure there is an opportunity for all members of the class to get their physical and psychological needs met
• The physical and psychological protection of all class members including yourself
• Demonstrate and even teach appropriate assertiveness and functional boundaries

You need to understand that effective boundaries support all healthy relationships and relationships underpin all successful teaching and learning environments!